As a kid, my dream was to get my drawings published in Highlights for Children (yep, the children’s magazine you find in dental offices across America). My plan was to draw a masterpiece, submit it, and then see my artwork grace the hallowed pages of Highlights. So I drew a few pictures and submitted a couple of times, but when my drawings didn’t get picked, I became disillusioned with the child art world, tossed my crayons aside, and gave up.
I mistook my dream for a goal, and that’s what set me up for heartbreak.
Was my dream simply too big? Of course not. Have you seen the infantile line work on those kids’ drawings? Derivative at best. Nevertheless, I let my understanding of success hang on something that was entirely out of my control: though I had complete control over making the drawings, I needed my parents’ help to submit them, and I needed the Highlights Art Committee (a woman in a cubicle in Honesdale, Pennsylvania) to approve my piece for publishing. And when it didn’t get published, I felt like a failure and gave up. As achievable as my dream should have been, I mistook my dream for a goal, and that’s what set me up for heartbreak.
If you want to continuously work towards your dreams without losing momentum, it’s important to focus your energy on the things you have power over so you don’t become disillusioned or burned out while waiting for a miracle or for other people to change your life. You have to make clear distinctions between your dream, your goals, and your wins. That’s where the Lily Pad Method comes into play.
The Lily Pad Method
In this metaphorically grounded method, you are a frog.
You are a frog trying to navigate the lagoon of life, guided by your north star (aka your dream).
You can see your north star, but how can you get across the lagoon? (Hint: you can’t swim because there are alligators, okay?)
1. Find your north star (aka define your dream)
Your north star is your big aspirational dream. It should be clear, inspirational, and compelling for you. It should not be something you could achieve in a weekend. It might take a year to achieve, it might take five years, it might take decades. Whatever your north star is, it has to be the thing you really really really want. To achieve it might require grit, sweat, luck, favors, and scientific breakthroughs — and that’s okay! Your north star is a guiding force that will set the direction for your actionable steps.
Example:
My childhood self’s north star was to “Get Published in Highlights.” As an adult, my north star is to “Get Staffed in a TV Writers Room.”
2. Locate your lily pads (aka set your goals)
Now that you’ve figured out what your north star is, let’s make sure you can move towards it by locating your lily pads. Lily pads are concrete actions you can complete that will lead you closer to your north star.
They should be something you can do by yourself (even if it scares you a little). But you MUST be able to complete a lily pad by yourself! If it’s something you can only check off through someone else’s decision-making (like getting a job offer or getting a phone call from Barack Obama) or luck (like finding a bag of money), it’s not a lily pad, but a dragonfly! It’s important to distinguish between these or else you get stuck treading water and you’ll lose momentum.
Lily pads are concrete actions you can complete that will lead you closer to your north star.
Example:
My childhood self’s lily pads:
- Complete a drawing
- Save up money for postage stamps
- Send artwork to Highlights
Some of my adult self’s lily pads:
- Take a writing class
- Write a pilot script
- Submit to a contest
Note that I didn’t say “sell a pilot script” or “win a contest” because those require the actions of other people.
You can complete your lily pads out of order and you can add more lily pads as you think of them. It’s the beauty of lily pads: they’re flexible and they’re achievable and they depend on you and no one else.
If you complete all of your lily pads but still haven’t achieved your dream/reached your north star, add more lily pads! They can be brand new ones or even duplicates of some of your old ones. For example, I might complete the “Write a pilot script” lily pad and then create another “Write a pilot script” since I can just keep writing. You can also break these down into more bite-sized chunks if that’s helpful.
As you complete these, celebrate your accomplishments! The lily pads are the real accomplishments. That’s you getting things done! That’s you working towards your goal! Pat your lil’ froggy self on your lil’ froggy back.
3. Eye the dragonflies (aka eye the potential wins)
Remember those things you mistook as goals/lily pads but actually required other people or luck or something that’s not quite in your control? Yup, those are dragonflies!
They’re the things we want on our journey, but we can’t achieve on our own. Dragonflies are the little victories that can give you a boost towards your north star.
Separating your dragonflies from your lily pads will let you keep track of those things you want, while recognizing that they’re not entirely in your control. They require patience, luck, and other people’s decision-making. Yes, celebrate when they come into your life, but don’t gauge your progress or success on whether or not you’re getting them. Remember: don’t go chasing w̵a̵t̵e̵r̵f̵a̵l̵l̵s̵ dragonflies. Spending all your energy chasing dragonflies is going to make you drown in the pond. You can’t control where they fly, so let them come to you.
Examples:
- Getting a job offer
- Getting a raise
- Being asked to be the next Bachelorette
- Getting a meeting with a very important person
- Being written about on the news
Dragonflies are the little victories that can give you a boost towards your north star.
Just like any win you can celebrate, eating a dragonfly will give your lil’ froggy self a burst of energy. These will help you keep up your spirits as you complete more lily pads and get closer to your north star.
4. Hop across the lagoon, eat some dragonflies, reach your north star
Your energy and focus should primarily be on your lily pads. As you complete your lily pads, check them off and celebrate your accomplishments! If a dragonfly lands, take note of what lily pads you completed that helped that dragonfly land. Maybe you got a “Job Offer” dragonfly because of your “Study for Interview” lily pad or your “Send out resume” lily pad. You’ll notice that as you check off more of your lily pads, the dragonflies also come more easily, too. After all, the more lily pads you complete, the more places you’ve created for your dragonflies to land.
With consistent lily pad creation and completion, you’ll get those dragonflies, and you’ll reach your north star.
Download the free Lily Pad Method worksheet to plot out your dream.
Tea Ho is a failed child artist and former wedding photographer, designer, and web developer. They’re working on landing their first job in a TV writers room.
